Of Manhoes, TacoBell and Superglue
by Pok-EMO-nn
Summary: One of Weny Testaburger's parties doesn't end quite as planned for Stan and the Gang. WARNING: yaoi/slash, dirty alnguage, alcohol, German D:!, abuse of a poor, unsuspecting sand box. Pairings: Crenny, Style, Cleek. NO OCs, thank god -.-


"So, where the fuck did Tweek go~?" Butters looked around their circle, trying to spot the spazzy blonde.

Stan's group and Craig's gang were currently seated in a circle on Wendy Testaburger's living room floor, surrounded by lots of other party guests, some from upper grades, some from lower.

"How the hell should I know?" Kyle shrugged, chugging down another shot of a strangely green liquid. Stan chuckled drunkenly. Huh. Looked a lot like Calpirinha. The poor dude.

Craig just flipped him off, looking as bored as ever.

"He _did_ say something about gnomes...,"Clyde supplied helpfully through a mouthful of Taco.  
None of them knew why he would bring a big bag from TacoBell to a party but...this was Clyde. So, whatever.

"Daaamn you~'re a sehksi bitchhhh~!"

"Oh nice...Kenny!" Stanley waved over at the blond, effectively disturbing his chase of two college girls. "Dude, have you seen Tweek?"

"Haha, noo~. Why?" he flopped down between the raven and Butters. "Lame-o prolly went home or somethin'..."

"What? Noo~! How the hell are we gonna get to TacoBell's then?" Clyde wailed, wiggling around. And effectively managing to hit his head on the floor. **Hard**.

"Yeah, anyywayyz~," Kenny slurred, looking at a spot behind Kyle, trying desperately to not wriggle his eyebrows. "I'm off. Tell me when you guys're leavin'." And thus, he danced off merrily after Wendy and Bebe. "Daamn, I'm a sexy biitch~"

"That he is," Craig commented helpfully, giving Kenny's back the finger. Stan didn't really know whether that was just his usual gesture or an offer, but decided he didn't want to know.

'Seriously, with all the faggyness around here, who was even surprised at me liking Kyle? Umm, anyway, back to the drinking-contest at hand...' Stan's drunken mind left the thoughts of Kenny's ass and Craig's fingers to drift over to his redheaded crush.

"-so, you get it, right? Whoever drinks the dirt up last, has to drink a _bottleeee_~ of Vodka...!"

"Oh shit, come on, Butters. You're too drunk. You're not making up the rules," Kyle complained, carelessly throwing his plastic cup behind himself. "Nastrovje, bitch."

"Dude, that wasn't even vodka...," Stanley complained -rightfully- and placed 6 bottles of Eristoff in the middle of their rather ... _lopsided_ circle. "Look, here goes. Everyone gets a bottle. Okay? And then, when I say drink, … we all drink. Last one finished ...will be..umm...called poop-eater."

"Your ideas lack … well, everything. To say the least," Craig snarled at the other raven. Okay, probably his idea _did_ sound better in his head than said out loud, but..

"-anyway. We make two groups. Three in each. We stand on each side of the living room. In the middle, we'll place an empty beer bottle. And each of us gets one drink with them to their line. Then, we'll take a ball and attempt to throw over the empty bottle. When ...say, group A manages that, they have to drink and drink, until group...2 … puts it back up. Get that?"

"Duuuuude!" Butters fawned and managed to knock himself over. He did that a lot, lately, Stan noticed.

"Alright. Let's do this!" Kyle pulled him to his feet and turned to stand against one wall of the Testaburgers' living room.

Halfway into the game Stan realized it had one biiiiig flaw. It involved standing. But, then again, him, Craig and Kyle were winning, so that was probably why-

"Yo, BONKADONK~!" Ok, Kenny groping Stan's ass was so **didn't** sparkle with him. "Duuudes, I found Tweek~!"  
And true to his words, in his tow Kenny didn't only have his regular fanclub, but a twitchy Tweek.

Craig scampered over and checked Tweek for any proof of Kenny-assaultage. Well, it _was_ a possibility. When he finally found nothing but a few hickeys, he turned to the others. "OK. So, we're going...where exactly? In case we don't _remember_ later..."

"TACOBELL!"

"Playground!"

"WHOOREHOUSEE~ Woo-hooo!~"

Craig flipped off Kenny and got Tweek to agree to all of their ... _wild_ ideas.  
Stanley just wondered why they had to go anywhere at all, but...hey, who's complaining?

~~~~~~~~~~

"No. I **demand** to speak with the fucking talking Chihuahua!" The poor acne-covered teenager at the intercom was helplessly overextended with the 7 drunken boys demanding stuff that he _knew_ wasn't on the menu. Not at all.

"God, shut _up_ Kaahl!" Clyde snarled from the front row and glared daggers at Stan and Kyle. However, Stan's thought about what the hell got into the chubby boy's panties was rudely interrupted-

"Stan? What do you want?"

"Umm...," _Well, might as well make this fun to impress Kylie_, the Raven thought, smirking. _Shit, I hope this works. Not like I'll remember in the morning, anyway_. "I want McTaco Nuggets, please. But ask them if they accept mexican money."

"**GAHH**!"

"What, Tweek?" Craig demanded, looking slightly worried about their driver's mental stability.

"Kenny touched me! Down **there**! _GAHH_!"

"God, you guys are morons. GAY morons," Craig looked at us all sternly, apparently sobered-up quite a bit by Kenny's groping-assaultage on his protegé. "I want you each to tell me your order in a row now. No **bullshit**."

"Tacos. Without the shell."

"Nachos. But order some extra ketchup."

"McTaco Nuggets, I said!"

"Mexican Water."

By then, Clyde was in tears, sobbing on Kenny's shoulder about how he had to leave the country, or at least the town to find a TacoBell that didn't know his 'moronic friends'. _'Oh shit, I would stop that if I were him-  
Too late. Poor dude.'_ Stan only smirked.

"GAHH! Now he's groping Clyde!" Tweek screeched, accidentally jolting the car forward quite a bit. "_TEHH_~ PRESSURE!"

"Dude, you can feel the pressure I put on his dick..on yours?" Kenny ogled at Tweek, with what was apparently a new-found admiration for the twitchy teen. "Holy shit. You're..magic! Like...a **UNICORN**!"

Stan suddenly started to laugh so hard, he had to lean on a giggling Kyle's shoulder for support. Well, more like wanted to, but neither seemed to mind all that terribly.

"Daaaamn, you're a sexyyy unicorn~!" _How the hell did Kenny get to sit on Tweek's lap so fast? Hm, that probably were his manwhore skills or something. Who knew._ Again, Stan commented their...promiscuous friend's actions in his head. Which he did a lot.

Apparently Craig had decided to show some mercy and ordered Clyde his _goddamn_ taco. "Get going, Tweek. Next stop: Playground."

"But, I can't see shit with Kenneh~ on...GAHH!"

"Dude, just..drive. I don't care." Craig sighed and flipped a smirking Kenny off, who was by now bouncing on the raven's own lap.

Craig couldn't help but wonder where all of that was going. Well, considering it involved Kyle, Stan and the other morons...'_Nowhere I want to be._'

"Say, Craig-yy~?"

"No, Kenny." without further ado, Craig slapped a orange-clad ass. "Bad Kenny."

"GAH! You're...you're _gay_, Craig!"

"No, I'm not, Tweek."

"But, you just slapped a dude's butt."  
"And the dude didn't mind~" slurred Kenny as he ground his hips against a slightly annoyed Craig's with a giggle.

"This dude minds, though." the raven reminded the poor boy, thrusting right back. He didn't know why he was doing it, but...'_It's kind of fun, actually._' Craig had to admit.

"Guys stop it with the fagging around!" came Kyle's angry yell from the sandbox. He was currently attempting to draw a David's star into the sand, but failed miserably. "Das muss doch irgendiwie[1]...Goddammit!"

Apparently, the jewish teen has a weird habit of letting the others get to know his german sills when drunk. Stan, obviously, was not used to this.

"Dude, I do,"said raven, rolling on the floor, laughing about Kyle, pointed an accusing finger at the redhead. "Homopho-phobobe!"

"It's homophobe, fucker."

"GUYS!" Kenny's face, filled with joy, was suddenly inches from Tweek's. "GAH!"

"I just realized something!"  
With quite an effort the blond got to his feet and held his index finger up.

"What's that, manhoe?" Butters, apparently conscious again, demanded from the nearby park bench.

"Craig Tucker."

"What's so special about that?" Kyle cocked his head to the side, his eyes narrowed in confusion.

"We could call him...," A mad, not entirely human, cackle erupted from the blond's throat. "Craig Fucker."

"No we should call him Tweek-fucker, cause that's what he does," Clyde supplied helpfully slapping a screaming Tweek on the back.

Craig merely sighed as the twitchy blond hid under the yellow, graffiti-stained slide. "Great. Seriously. Look what you did! Fuck you guys." He flipped them off with both hands and plopped down beside a crying Tweek.

"Dude. Come on, Tweek. He didn't mean it," he tried to reassure the twitchy teen and awkwardly placed his arm around Tweek's hunched shoulders.

"I don't care! I- GAH!- wanna go home!"

"Dude, calm down. Please?" Craig tried his puppy eyes, especially designed for Tweek's occasional panic attacks. However, the blond was unwilling to even look at the raven.

"Craig? Kenny's crying about how he-...well, I'm not gonna repeat it, but it involves your dick in his, you know..."

"God fucking damn it all to motherfucking hell!"

"GAHH!"

"Come on, I'll look after Tweek," Clyde, who seemed to have sobered-up quite a bit, too, took Craig's place beside the crying blond.

"Tweeky?"

"W-what?" he managed to choke out between shivers and sobs.

"I'm sorry about what I said. I didn't mean to ….be mean. Or something..." Clyde tried to smile as two enormous green eyes appeared above Tweek's crossed forearms. "Look, you never drink and you had a few beers. That's why you're overreacting. Try to calm down, okay?"

"That's not even-ngh- what I... you don't understand _anything_!" Tweek complained, resting his chin atop his bent knees, letting his bare arms fall loosely to his side.  
Clyde didn't understand at all. No, he didn't. If he did, then-

"What is it then, Tweek? Well, I'm sorry I threw up in your car and I'm sorry I was laughing about it earlier, but...! I couldn't help it! Your driving is twitchy! Besides, alcohol meets Clyde Donovan meets your van is never good."

"Th-That's not it either," the blond mumbled into his kneecaps. "But, GAH! You're still cleaning that up tomorrow."

"Well, don't be a girl on her period and tell me what's fucking wrong."

"YOUR. OBSESSION. WITH. BOOBS!"

"Someone called me~?" Kenny's flushed face appeared over them. "I thought I-"

"Why the hell are you- HOLYSHITCRAIG! I'm _soo_ telling Token this, tomorrow~!" Clyde hollered over to an equally naked raven, currently scampering in a beeline towards the climbing-nets to hide. And failing.

"Oh well. I thought I heard boobs. Whatever~" Again, the blond danced off merrily.

"So, Tweek, what do you hate so much about boobs that you have to ruin my eardrum for it?"

"I...I hate how you like boobs."

"Why's that?" Clyde finished munching on his taco and threw the paper over his shoulder carelessly.

"Because! GAH!"

"Oh there has to be a reason. Come on, you're drunk. Just tell me."

"Because, you should like dick!"

"Did Tweek just say dick?" came Craig's mother-hen screech from the suspiciously shaking bushes.

"Dick? Where?" Kenny's voice from the same abused botany.

"Wer is' dick[2]?" Kyle's random german-spazz.

"Dude, ...you're a nazi!" Stan.

"I-I'm NOT!"

Clyde shut the others out. "Why's that, Tweekers?"

The blond blushed bright red and tugged at the ends of his hair mercilessly. "Because I-GAHH! I pulled my HAIR OUT!"

~~~~~~~~

Back to Stan and ..._coughKyliecough_

"So what's that you're..._failing at_ drawin' there?" Stan inquired leaning close to Kyle to get a better look at the patch of sand the redhead was working on.

"It's a star, dude."

"Really, now?"

"Yes." Kyle still concentrated on his drawing.

"_That doesnn't sparkle with me_," the raven mused annoyedly.

"What?"

'_I said that out loud, right? Oh, damn._'

"N-nothing, Kyle."

"You said something about sparkling...You twinkeehh!~" Kyle slurred with a giggle, holding his hand in front of his mouth in a failed attempt to hide it.

"Well, **so**? Maybe I am gay, dude! You're supposed to be my best friend in the whole world, so, you shouldn't make fun of me!"

"Dude, I wasn't makin' fun of you," the redhead sat up on his knees and finally turned towards his friend. "But, you should've told me sooner."

"I know..."

"So, who is it you wanna do in the butt, then?"

"I...can't tell you. Sorr-"

"It's me, huh? Other ways you'd be spilling the..._beans_," Kyle laughed at his allegedly pervy joke. "How long, Stan?"

"'Couple months, I s'pose...," the raven mumbled gruffly, crossing his arms and lying back down in the sand.  
This wasn't going as planned. That didn't spark- '_Not. Again._'

"Well, I'm not gay, dude."

"I know...," Knowing it was something entirely different to getting his hopes crushed like that. "Doesn't matter."

"Ah, shit, dude. Now you're gonna go emo again, huh?" Kyle smirked as he leaned over the other and pulled at his lip ring. With a soft chuckle he let it flop back. "You know, since I'm drunk right now and … what the hell am I saying?"

Without further ado, Kyle leaned down to kiss his best friend.  
If that was what Stan wanted...he could always try it. He knew that he would probably end up hurting the raven in the morning, but...a few drunk experiments couldn't hurt. He'd never thought about it, so how could he really _know_ that he didn't have a thing for guys?

"K-Kahhl!" Stan spluttered as Kyle leaned back a few inches. "I don't wanna force you to do something you think is disgusting! You don't ha-"

"Oh, shut up and enjoy yourself. This should sparkle with you, right? And, besides," the redhead leaned close to the other's ear, "I don't see _you_ **forcing** anyone tonight."

Giving a groan, Stan buried his hands in the soft red curls of his jewish friend. "Wow. That's...surprising."

"What is? You didn't really think I'd let _you_ be on top? I gotta get a little reward for sacrificing my morals like this." Kyle gave a quick thrust of his groin against Stan's. "Anyway, twinky, with the way you always swing your ass around, you could never top _anyone_."

~~~~~~~~~

Onto the manhoe ~

"Damn, Kenny...," Craig moaned loudly as he buried his hands in the blonde's locks. "Where did you-"  
The financially challenged teen humming around his dick was apparently too much for the raven to take as he let out a scream and found his body twitching as he came.

Kenny only giggled as he moved up the other's body and gave a sharp thrust. "I'm not finished yet, Craigy~"

Huffing angrily, the raven bit hard into the blond's neck, drawing blood. "Oh you'll be finished soon, McCormick."

"Really, now~?" Kenny giggled as Craig continued ravish his neck roughly. "You know, I've never died during sex~!"

"And that won't happen tonight, either," Craig sighed against the abused flesh of the blond's throat. "Seriously, your fetishes aren't that much of a turn-on right now."

"Dude. That was merely an...I dunno. I just wanted to point it out."

"Well, you shouldn't do that."

"Can we please get on with the part where I want into your currently non-existant pants and you fuck the brains out of me?"

"Yeah, I'd kinda like to continue with that too...," Craig smirked ans re-attached his mouth to the lithe body of Kenny McCormick.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The morning after. Alias: the hangover.

"Holy shitballs!"

"You can say that again...,"Kyle groaned as he tried to get the sand off his tongue.

"Where the hell are Craig and Kenny?" Clyde asked, zipping his pants up. "I heard them making weird noises all morning."

"Botany," a tired-looking Tweek pointed towards a bush. He huffed, holding his head and flopped down beside Stan and Kyle in the sand box.

"FOUND EM!"

"Oww! Stop yelling you cocksucker!" Kenny's annoyed shriek accompanied Craig's middlefinger appearing above said shrubbery.

Soon all of them had scampered over to the sandbox, too.  
"So, what happened yesterday."

"Me and Craig fucked," Kenny supplied, crossing his arms behind his head as he lay down.

"That dude's got stamina, I tell you-" the raven shook his head in bewilderment.

"Clyde tried to superglue my – GAH! – hair back on~" Tweek bawled against said Taco-lover's shoulder. "It HURTS!"

"Hey, I'm sorry alright! You said you wanted to look pretty for me!" Clyde held his hands up defensively.

"So, you guys fucked too?" Kenny asked non-chalantly.

"GAH!"

"No, dude. Tweek was just being prude about boobs." Clyde simply shrugged.

"Ah, I see."

"What about you two?" Craig demanded of Stan and Kyle. "I heard weird german all night long."

"Um...no?" Kyle tried, blushing.

"Yep. No." Stan mumbled, turning over in the sand.

None of them bothered to ask where Butters had scampered off to. Probably home to get grounded or something akin to that.

"So, that _does_ turn you on, Stannie~!" Kenny exclaimed triumphantly, immediately regretting his loud outburst.

"W-What?" Kyle sputtered angrily. _'How does Kenny know-'_

"Oh come on, you seriously think I didn't do it with him yet? Have you learned nothing, Broflovski?" a cocky grin accompanied the blond's statement.

"GAH!"

"You can say _that_ again."

~~~~~~~~

Following monday at school.

"Oh. My GOD! Did you see that video on Butters' facebook?"

"I know, right? I _knew_ Stan had a boner for Kyle!"

"But, Craig and Kenny! I always thought Craig hated STDs!"

The boys looked at each other, "Holy shit, dude."

Kahhl's random German-spazzes:

[1] 'Come on, this HAS to work...!'

[2] 'Who's fat?' - 'Dick' means fat in german xD...So yeah...

Anyway, reviews are LOVE, ppl XD!

Also, should this stay a Oneshot or ...not? _ ^^


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